All of Them

Is today’s focus only on romantic love? You know how when you look for a job, you look at the minimum requirements? Or when you look for a mate you have your list of negotiables and non-negotiables? But what about with friends? It doesn’t seem like there’s really a Universal Code of Conduct for Friends. I have very few friends. That is, compared to the number of people I might hang out with. I don’t talk to anyone everyday. Hell, I can go weeks without talking to the people who are friends. Matter of fact, I was with my frociate, Joe, on Friday and I hadn’t seen him in well over a year! A year!!! Had I seen him before our Friday outting to the ghetto Friday’s to ‘drink and trip’, I would have put a speedy stop to the red light INSIDE of his police-vehicle-like Crown Vic! But alas, I couldn’t stop it in time.

I have people who were friends from way back. I love them dearly. However, we aren’t close. If they were ever in need, I’d be Johnny-on-the-spot. But on a day-to-day basis, truth is, they don’t always cross my mind. I figure I don’t cross their minds either. Just the way life is I guess.

But what exactly are the friendship rules? I supposed you’re supposed to be supportive. I suppose you’re supposed to be honest. But let’s say you’re doing something foul. When it’s all said and done and the dust has cleared, do you look back at how your friends reacted and judge them on that? Like let’s say I was planning to rob a bank–which I don’t. Let’s say I go ahead with it, get caught and go to jail. As my friends, should someone have said something to me before I went and robbed the bank?? Isn’t it their job as a friend to say something if I’m contemplating doing some dumb stuff? I mean I know I’m an adult and at the end of the day, I will do as I please. But don’t we sometimes need someone to pull us up on our poor behavior?

What about communication? What’s the proper amount of communication needed? Is there no standard? Is it established on a case-by-case basis? I am a communicator. Communication is good! Yesterday I spent the better part of the day e-mailing back and forth with one of my oldest and dearest friends. That evening, did either of us bother to pick up the phone? Nope. But still, I love her to death. And I know if there was a situation where I needed constant contact with a friend, she’d be there.

There has not been any drama with me and any of my friends. I’ve had a chick hit on my men (same chick, different men). Is she a friend? Nope. I’ve watched as people who claim to be friends have had bitter disputes. Ugly things were said then a month later, they’re back thick as thieves. But for me, I could never do that. There’ve been cases where I felt the friendship needed to change. I didn’t betray their trust and go off telling their business or saying mean things just becauseI decided we weren’t going to be as close as we had been. That’s just not how I roll.

We spend a lot of time making rules for relationships, romantic relationships. and even then we only stick to those that are most convenient for us at any given time. But how much thought do we put into our friendships?

Happy Valentine’s Day. I was going to ignore it but seeing as I’ve already gotten a couple of wishes that made my day (yes I know it’s not even 10 yet), I guess I could send good wishes to everyone. Everyone one accept a certain two ATL people who up and quit blogging!!! I have written letters to them both demanding a full refund!

As I get older though, and by ‘old’ I don’t mean I’m getting old like BC. That fool is one trip to Florida and one AARP membership away from being an old fart.