Trivial Pursuit - Part 1

First, I’d like to thank the wonderful group of lobbyist who sponsored my friends and I as we celebrated our Irish heritage!!! Man, I tell ya, if not for them being married with kids, I’d probably make an effort to party with them more often. But what would it look like? Me being seen about town with married men so many years my senior? Second, I’d like to thank them for reassuring me that I am indeed ‘Hawt’ and have nice teeth.

This week, we’re going to talk about the pursuit. I don’t know how many parts, but I’ll try to make a whole week of it. Strangjazz is even going to guest blog.

Just from reading the blog, you probably can tell I like Type A men. It could be said that I like them because they like me. Fair enough. I choose from the men who have already chosen me. Aside from giving encouragement to their advances, I’ve never been one to pursue. In fact, the men I attract aren’t the types who would want a woman to pursue. They are tried and true hunter types.

A long time ago when Beloved allowed comments, she wrote about wanting a spokeman. A man who would take his place as his family’s spokesman. Sure she’d be on the board. Sure she’d be his right hand. But at the end of the day, he’s out front. I don’t think this is a role best filled by a man I have to pursue. This doesn’t mean he can’t. It just means I fear having to nudge him toward the podium for the rest of my life. I’m not really wanting to take that on.

In the book I’m reading for book club (I won’t tell you the title again because I don’t want to ruin the twist.), the main character decides she loves this guy. She goes to him and after a rather predictable revelation, he sends her away. When she gets home, she thinks to hersefl, “Damn. I have turned into one of those women men hate. The ones that pursue them. If I’d gone there and it worked, I could forget I ever behaved that way. But it didn’t work so now I can’t ignore what I did.”

In the book, she knew this guy loved her. Yeah the chips were stacked in her favor because she knew he already has said he wanted her. But still a year had passed. And if women are said to be fickle, men are even more fickle. I remember a time when I tried to pursue someone who I knew wanted me…Or at least I thought he did. He’d wanted me before. I sincerely thought all he needed was to know that I wanted him back. So I tried a subtle pursuit. He responded in ways I thought were encouraging.

The problem with that thinking was that I’d seen him go after things he wanted. Not sit by passively responding favorably every so often. Further, I decoded his responses to mean the same thing they’d mean if it were me in his shoes. At the end of it, we never really got back together. Why? Because he didn’t want me enough to take the lead and pursue me–like he’d done before, like he’d done with everything in life he truly wanted.

I don’t know if it’s being old fashioned or what. But I don’t feel the need to pursue a man. Maybe it’s in my definition of man. Maybe it’s in my belief that how things begin is how they shall be. If we start the relationship off with me pursuing, am I going to be charged with constantly being the spokeswoman? Or will he even be strong enough to take on the role–even occasionally?

Maybe Tuesday I will share some appropriate pursuit techniques–at least when trying to gain the favor of women like me. Hee-hee.