It Weighs A Ton

I used to say that I didn’t know how anyone my age could get strung out on drugs. Specifically crack and heroine. I used to think that people who did that had no regards for themselves. I used to think there was no harm in smoking a little weed here and again so long as it stopped at that and you didn’t turn your life over to it. Recreational weed usage got a pass in my book. But one day I learned the hard way that everything isn’t always what it seems. And if I just shut up and listened, I’d understand so much better. I wrote about that the other day. Remember a few entries back I wrote about my neighbor being a pill-head? Little did I know.

I’ve had (actually HAVE because I do think they are still partaking.) two people in my family be on drugs. One, he never let anything in his life slip. In my mind, he’s the absolute example of a recreational drug user. One summer he visited us in Detroit. I was 15. I remember it being very hot, mid-day. He used to call me Princess because I wore no less than three outfits a day. Right after my mid-day change, I went into the kitchen to get a snack. Nobody was there but me and him. We started talking. This guy has personality for days and was/is always dropping gems.

I’m standing at the microwave and he’s sitting at the table watching TV. But we’re still holding a conversation. Then he turns to me and his hand starts up towards his face. In his hand is a plastic bag. Without stuttering on one word, he sniffed something from the bag. I never told my mother what he did. And a few days later, he left. Deciding not to move to Detroit afterall. How I saw him changed from that point on. Sure back in his hometown he was active in his community. But at 15, after really only knowing him for 7 years, he became less of a man to me.

The second person has always been a habitual bad decision maker. If there was an option between seven good decisions and one bad, she’d always choose the bad. At 40 years old, she got on crack. And lemme tell you, the shyt wasn’t at all sudden. She’d been a weed smoker for years. You hear weed is a gateway drug but on those commercials, they never tell you the why’s and how’s. For this woman she’d been smoking weed supplied by a new man in her life. Little did she know, it was ‘tainted’. It wasn’t long before he admitted that the weed was ’special’. And it wasn’t much longer after that that the ’special’ weed high wasn’t enough for her. She was ripe to be introduced to something better. A crackhead is born.

There’s been something on my mind since one Thursday night. So much so that when I heard, I cried y’all. But I never let on to the person on the other line. And then when the conversation was over, I tried to put the issue to rest but I couldn’t sleep. I spoke to one of my dearest, oldest friends. I wonder if she knows her place in my life. And maybe her not knowing is why she was just revealing to me something that was going on with her. But I really love this person like a relative. Really I do. She’s good people.

He family is the model of ‘good family’. Her parents are sweet people, as are her siblings. They’ve all pretty much done everything right. In fact, if we were to teach third graders what a family looks like, feels like, smells like, they’d present a picture of this family. My girl and I don’t talk that much. But when we do, it’s customary that we ask about the other’s family. She remembers when my brother was 6 and now he’s a grown man.

This last time we spoke she told me her father waited until he was retired from his first career and well into another to start smoking crack. Da hell? He raised wonderful children, has a completely perfect family situation, very Cosby-esque and he admits to ’smoking dope’ for the last four years. As most know, when someone admits to smoking, they have usually been smoking longer. This is so sad to me. I told her it’s a good thing that he waited until his kids were grown and on their own. Because otherwise, imagine how shattered she and her siblings would be if this had happened when they were still depending on him to be their Cliff Huxtable.

Then the next day, I started wondering: What if what we are destined to be, we shall be? What if this man was supposed to get on drugs and the only thing that detured him was his wife and having to raise kids? I have friends who came from situations where statistics said they should be someone’s baby’s momma. These girls went to Howard, pledged, got a few degrees but at the end of the day, they still ended up being some losers baby’s momma. And participating in all the drama that goes with it.

But most importantly, I was reminded that bad things don’t just happen to ‘those people’. You know the ones who live places we’d never drive through let alone live. We can shake our head and wonder, “How do people that old get on drugs.” But the answer is simple. Shyt happens. And can happen to anyone. Even you. Statistically, someone reading this will end up on drugs, HIV positive, with cancer, etc. So be careful and smart.