Someone like me? How does someone like The Hostess like to be pursued? Tis simple…But before I get to it, lemme say that I’m wondering how writing this is going to affect how men pursue me. I’m finding many of them are pretty sneaky and stumble upon my page. Which brings me to this: The first thing a man doesn’t want to ever do is freak me out. Seems rather simple right? Sure in books women like for the man to go the extra mile. However, in today’s stalker-tastic society, and with all the technology we have at our fingertips, some things go far beyond toeing the line. If I don’t give you my home number, don’t call me on it. If I don’t tell you where I work, please do not send anything there or call there. It will freak me out. If you must google me, please, for the love of all things right and good, don’t let meknow what you find. I will be freaked out. And I will end up having to tell all of my closet friends, “Look, if I go missing, ____ probably has me.”
I was up at oh, I don’t know, 3-ish in the morning watching TV. Did y’all know Jay Leno was on the VD episode of Good Times? Bet y’all didn’t. He even had a speaking role. That is all. Now back to the topic at hand.
I want to come right out and say exactly what a guy should do. However, with technology being as it is, I’d hate for a suitor to stumble upon this Hostess 101 entry and do things he normally wouldn’t do simply to gain my favor. In short, treat me the way you’d want a guy to treat your daughters. Sounds pretty simple right? YEAH it does. But when I was younger, I must have been emitting some type of treat-me-crappy funk because men, even after seeing the type of person I was, would still try to take the laziest approach. Though I do think this was a reflection of how I felt about myself deep down and not the image I was trying to project. Can I get a point for honest self-reflection?
I try not to come right out and tell a man “______ I like blah, blah, and blah.” And it’s not because I want to keep him guessing. I just want him to be himself. And if his being himself meets with what I want/need/like, then we’re good to go. But nothing bothers me more than a man obviously trying to impress. If his ass doesn’t know anything about wine, don’t take me to a winery because I will ask him questions. Y’all know I’m always tryna learn things from new people. And shucks, if he doesn’t know, he should just say, “Hostess, you like wine right? I’ve never been to a wine tasting. Want to go?” Fine but don’t sit there and pretend you know a merlot from a chiraz. Just be you!
Another thing I absolutely love is dates. Real dates. Any man who has been with me for more than a year or so can tell you, I look forward to the 50th date with the same glee as the first. I like the whole feel of it. I like preparing. I like doing my hair and make-up. I like the look on the man’s face when he sees me. I like seeing and smelling him. I like looking forward to what we’re going to talk about. This next part starts to go into the actual relationship and I realize I’m only supposed to be talking about courting. But I’m going to leave it here anyway. Even if we only go ‘out-out’ once a month, I still look forward to it. Even if our date is nothing more than me cooking dinner and us putting in some serious couch time, I look forward to it. I know you can’t date forever. But even years after getting together, I have been known to look forward to catching glimpses of the very things that attracted me to him in the first place.
It just dawned on me. I like to be pursued in much of the same way a man pursues his mistress. There seems to be an extra layer of thoughtfulness. Maybe it’s because he has to make every moment count. That does sound dreadful doesn’t it? Especially since I’d never be a mistress. Not that there’s anything wrong with it if that’s what one chooses. Some see it as an opportunity. I see it as a burden. My conscience wouldn’t let me do it. I’d drive myself mad waiting on karma to catch up with me. But that’s just me.
I don’t know why, but when I think of a man puruing his mistress, well first off, I think of the name Richard. I don’t know why. But I equate that name with a man who takes a mistress. I think of a man who goes out of his way. Who appreciates everything about her. A man who sees her as a definately adult choice and not just a childish whim that got out of hand. Because if I hear another man tell me he married his (first) wife because it was the right thing to do, ugh, I won’t screem but I might barf. Someone get me a bucket (Hoopz, 2006).
Yeah if you’re wondering, to some degree I am a romatic. But not in the Hallmark kinda way. Please no flowers here. But it’s the thoughtfulness that goes hand-in-hand with romance.
Getting to more of the specifics. When pursuing The Hostess and women like her, you might want to be on time. I know it’s a big thing to ask. You’d be surprised how many people can’t get a grip on this one. But be on time because you respect her time. Be a man of your word. If you tell The Hostess you plan to die a horrible death on Friday, please do. Because she’d hate to waste a trip to buy new black thigh highs to go with her new fancy funeral suit! Remember her name. Y’all remember that episode of Seinfeld? Mulva? I rest my case. Above all other things, if you are a late man whose word means nothing, be that. Because even if you pretend to be prompt and steadfast, eventually, before the second moon appears, your true colors will show.
Take your time. Don’t go trying to insta-girlfriend me. This nervouses (NY, 2006) me. Yes, I know I’ve been known to hit family functions early on. Hell, I’m even in some dude’s family’s portrait. I think I’d known him about a month. I might go to family events but it’s really just to see what you come from. Just the same as if I go to something with all of his friends, I’m interested to see how he interats with them.
A big one, one some Black dude living in Japan might say is gay, COMMUNICATE. Tell me what’s up. If you have questions of me, ask. Not just ask but LISTEN to my responses. Not the responses of you so-called friends, your nosey family, and your need-to-get-their-own-lives co-workers. And don’t base anything you say or do with me on the interpretation of what you think I said the first time we went out three weeks ago. *eyeroll* What I say and do isn’t an artistic expression and doesn’t need to be figured out. Take it as it is. Nothing more nothing less.
Really though, all of these things I’m suggesting a man do probably describe the type of person he is…Not necessarily tasks he needs to do to pursue me. Still, Jay Leno was on the VD episode of Good Times.
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