And dare anyone to try and move me. Or at least that’s what Tony Toni Tone ‘nem promised in their first CD album Who?, song #2. I heard a bit of a discussion on the radio a few weeks back. It was about standing by your significant other while he or she is in jail. As I listened I thought back to what a comedian had once said on the subject. She said if her man went to jail, she wouldn’t break up with him. The judge would be breaking them up. So I guess she doesn’t stand by her man.
Until my fit of fury last week, I was one of those people who’d stand by you through damn near anything. I have two relatives in jail. I’ve never visited, but we write and one I speak to very often. No collect calls. Y’all know they have ‘bank accounts’ in jail right? The one I speak to, he’s been in for years. Years I tell you. I don’t even ask when he’ll get out. Why bring down the conversation when I can go on over to Offender Search and just look it up myself? Could The After Party Hostess really stand by a boyfriend or husband? Y’all like how I referred to myself in the third person?? I’m not one to bite, but does that make me sexxxy? I don’t think I could get my ’stand by’ on. Not because of the sodomy and liklihood that he’s getting his hot man lovin’ on in jail. Not because I need a greater level of companionship. But because…Well I can’t put it into words right now. But follow with me.
When most folks think of standing by their mate, they think of jail and illness. But today, I’m going to put a different spin on, “Will you wait for me?” What if you were with someone, not married but committed. One day this person said to you, “YOU, I’m really concerned that you don’t know how to drive. It’s really bothering you and me. Not only that, it’s affecting the quality of our relationship. I have done all I could to motivate you to drive. But I feel I’ve done enough. I think we should part ways for ___ amount of time. At the end of which, if you’ve learned to drive, we can visit the idea of reconciling.”
My first inclination isn’t that this is a stand-by-your-mate issue. Sounds to me like an I’m-tired-of-being-with-you issue. But for the sake of fodder (Oh how I love fodder.), what if your inability to drive was really affecting the relationship? And you want to learn to drive. What if your significant other drove you everywhere just by the nature of your relationship? Therefore, you had limited motivation to pick up the skill. Would you be OK with getting your Jiffy-Car Driving school on and getting back with the person at the end of whatever pre-set amount of time?
What about the ease at which your significant other sent you off to learn to drive? This would be the bigger issue for me–especially if the person claims to be really into me. If this person has never lied before, I might-could believe that this was all about driving. And if both parties haven’t agreed that not only will they revisit the driving issue in the pre-determined amount of time but that they share the same goal of reconciliation, then what?
Unfortunately, time doesn’t stand still. Even if both parties agree, while one if off getting driving lessons, either party could meet someone else and get swept up in a wave of lightening fast love. Wait, this actually happened to my girl-sorta. Her guy acted up. They broke up. Six months later, he finds out through mutual friends that she’s married to someone she’d been with before him and is pregnant. Sadly, she lost the baby. But now the ex who messed up is going crazy because he thought he could come back when he got himself ready. And that she’d wait.
When presented with the possibility that the woman it took him months to court could meet someone else in the driving-lesson-taking period, most men will let, “Oh well…” roll off thier lips. All the while knowing full well they don’t feel that way. So why let the words loose? Anyone? Anyone? Just kidding. I know women do this too. But no entry would be complete without something to fan the flames/comment section.
On some level The After Party Hostess (Third person AGAIN!! Sexxxy?) is a romantic. And on some level she hopes that the couple’s connection, love, or whatever the kids are calling it these days, is so strong that they could come back together stronger and happier after the time apart. But the logical person who ran The Show wonders if either person should, or is capable of, waiting until one learns to drive. Do you just go off to your little driving school believing your significant other is ‘waiting’ for you? Do you owe it to the other person to wait the agreed upon amount of time before you officially move on? And does the person who insisted the other learn to drive understand the risks?? To me, if you’re really into someone, you wouldn’t risk sending them off into the world to learn to drive.
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