Play Nice

Since we’ve spent this week–yesterday–talking relationships and dating, and I was without a suitable topic, I shall offer people dating tips today. Before I get into that though, it is becoming painfully clear that a person who habitually does nice things for others gets a bad rap. The guy who opens doors?? He’s the nice guy who people say will finish last. Bullshyt. My boy always says, “No, nice guys get nice girls.” I tend to agree. The girl who always fixes her man’s plate? Well she’s a doormat. Bullshyt. I’ll let you in on a little secret. I always fix Manfriend’s plates. Why? I don’t mind. Plus, and I’m sure he will read this, I don’t like him in my kitchen messing things up. Matter of fact, I have other friends who I offer to serve simply because they drop shyt everywhere. Tell me how rice can get way on the floor by the fridge that is a few feet away from the stove? Tell me why some people can’t scoop soup into a bowl and return the damn spoon to the spoonrest!

Getting back to dating. Do I need to remind you guys I’m rather traditional?? OK, you know that about me already. That being said, I usually expect the man to ask me out first. I expect him to ask me out in advance. Nothing will get pish-poshed more than a man calling me on Sunday at 6 asking me if I want to get dinner at 8. I like to be asked out a day or so in advance. I like to know the man planned. I like looking forward to the date. I don’t like feeling like going out with me is his last minute attempt at entertainment because everything else he wanted to do fell through.

A lot of men ask the woman for suggestion so he can gauge what’s acceptable. I have no problem with that. Plus, the spots she suggests might key you in that she’s a gold digger or considerate enough to take into account that you are a student and therefore, poor. Both the man and the woman should be on time for the date. I don’t care what you may have heard, having a twat doesn’t mean you can show up 30 minutes late. It’s inconsiderate. And if either person does that, the on-time person needs to make note. At the very least, the later party should call.

Men, if you asked, you should be prepared to pay. The same applies to women who ask men out. Women, if you go on a date, you should be prepared to pay just in case. Especially if you haven’t already discussed the dutch-ness of the date. Women, if the man hits you with, “You half of the check is …” and you aren’t pro-dutch, pay the damn bill and don’t go out with him again. See how easy this is. If, the man picked you up for the date, have enough money on you (or a friend on stand-by) to get you home. If the person you’re on a date with does or says anything to offend you or make you uncomfortable, you can excuse yourself and still maintain your nice.

On the first date, I do not need to go to Chez Allupinya Pockets. If you’ve been with me from the beginning, I mean the very start, on my first blog, you remember how I am anit-shock and awe. But for those unaware, let me explain. I prefer the first few dates be rather relaxed. This way, we rest on personalities and not the shock and awe of the atmosphere or event. I’ve gone on dates that were shock and awe packed. But once we’re out of those initial dates and I get a real glimpse of his personality, sometimes, the dude actually has no personality. He could have saved a lot of money by doing some more low key things. For both men and women, dating becomes different, maybe even harder when all the distractions are stripped away. It’s like seeing a pair of shoes and getting caught up in the color. But when you see the shoes, white, undyed, they aren’t so hot anymore. Most importantly, a man first dating me doesn’t know if I’m even shock and awe worthy. Cus after a few casual dates, he might find I’m not worth his shock let alone his awe. Hey, it happens!

I usually don’t have more than 2-3 hours for a date. I just don’t–unless I really like the person and we start out early. Y’all know I go to bed early!! Both parties should be mindful of the other person’s time. Please don’t ask me out for brunch (Brunch is a very economical date. And can be lots of fun in the summer if you can sit outside and people watch.) and then tell me you need to make a stop before dropping me home. I had a guy try and take me car shopping with his spinster aunt. Da hell?

At my core, I’m a nice person. So I am nice from date one. When a man approaches me at anytime, I am nice. Even in my declining, I am nice. Because it takes balls to just roll up on a person and do a ‘cold sell’. I respect that. On dates, I am nice. Not because I want the guy to like me but because I’m just nice. And I expect the same. Guys, if you’re out with a woman and she’s not nice and you want a nice woman, cut her. Don’t go out with her again. No matter how fine you think she is. I once had a guy take me to the movies with his younger sister and his mother!! He seemed to have a wonderful relationship with them However, he asked me out on a date with him, not his family. Furthermore, if I’m trying to get to know someone, a movie isn’t the way to do it. You can’t really chat in a movie theatre. And tacking dinner onto it would likely stretch me into the wee hours of 11!!!

Does it seem like I’m quick to jump ship? It should because I am. I don’t believe in wasting peoples’ time. If a guy is interviewing for a life mate and I do not like him like that, it’s not fair for me to try to suck up his time. While I might enjoy his comapny, I don’t think I should be dating him. And vice versa. What are some other things you wish people would consider when dating?