Can You…

NO!

So look y’all, I have been known to go out of my way to help people. I have been known to get sick but do the things I said I was going to do. Occasionally, I even volunteer to help people out. Well boyz, girlz, and squirrels, it stops here.

Goldie, who won’t likely read this because she’s on a blog-fast for LYNT (I know that’s not how you spell it), mentioned how she ended up reading the Bible yesterday. And she read about forgiveness. For a long time, I thought in order to forgive people, you had to be able to be pleasant to them. You had to get to the point where you could interact with them without there being any anger. You had to accept that s/he was/is a shadey bastard and not be pissed about it. I don’t know how I came to believe this. Because for real, I don’t think I’ve ever done anything to anyone where they had to ponder forgiving me. And in the slight chance that I did, it was only in reaction to what they did. Let me not even count the times I have been guilty of actually forgetting what a person did to piss me off.

Y’all I’m almost there. Almost to the point where I can’t write anymore. Why? Because I can’t write what I want to write. It’s like I want to still have the interactions and do the silly stuff but I want to write how I feel. And because so many people I know read this page, I can’t. I will say, however, that this morning, as I lamented to my good friend J, I sat reading her IM’s and erased every single number of every friend, frociate, and associate who I’ve not spoken to. Every single one who I’ve called and they haven’t called me back or haven’t ever called to just check on me! Every single one who I’ve excused over the years with, “____ never returns a call but I love ____ anyway.” All the MF’s who call cus they’re coming to town and need a place to stay. Or call me at the last minute when they get here because they’re bored. Or call me when shyt it messed up in their lives but when I call them for the same support, they try to force the conversation around to them and their issues.

So if you’re reading this, and you’re one of those people, please don’t up and call me now. It’s over. If you’re one of the people who will occasionally call when you want something, don’t. Really, nobody will win. If you are one of the people who has wronged me, and you KNOW you have, don’t try to rectify the situation now. Please refrain from sending me invitations to your shyt. No birthday parties, weddings, or baby showers–cus my ass won’t be there!